[ Leaning into that petting, shameless as ever. ] I'll manage. Mostly I just feel ridiculous, like I should have known better. The other two people I was maybe getting feelings for aren't any less frustrating, but I have plenty of friends to keep my bed warm without complications. It could be a lot worse.
[ Not to say she doesn't want to drink some magic booze and forget that feelings exist, because she definitely does. ]
I can't pretend to understand the difficulty of the choice, as I came here with my memories intact. However . . .
You have the option of simply not taking them at all, and starting anew. To remember the past, or break from it; that is one of the few freedoms this place allows us.
Unfortunately, I don't. Not really. It would be reckless if I chose not to find out more about myself how I maybe could control whatever happens to me when I get hungry, or -- [ sighing ]
You can watch the memory, if you want. I can't think of a better time than before getting hammered to deal with it, and it might help you understand why I can't just choose to ignore my past. Even having asked people to take care of things if I lose myself [ yes she did talk to Zhongli, and several others ], I don't want to ask them to clean up my mess if I'm not willing to take steps to maybe spare them that.
[ She is very selective in what she takes wisdom points in, clearly. ]
[ A rueful smile ] I relive it every second. Seeing it again won't break me open. But if it'll help get you to keep petting my hair, then by all means consider me about to crack.
And you have a right to know, anyway. Everyone here does.
[ She opens her phone and plays the damn thing again. She doesn't look at the screen, because she doesn't need to. ]
[ Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, depending on what she was expecting, there isn't much of an outward reaction from him. He sits in thoughtful silence for a while after the memory ends.
He's tempted to ask if she remembers any of the context, but suspects the answer will be something like "Does it really matter?"
(And it does, he thinks, but that's a hypothetical argument for the hypothetical future) ]
[ Sadly, she has no context. If she did, that might make this very slightly less horrifying, if only because she'd know why, and maybe how to prevent it. But there weren't even words in her head during all that slaughter, no human feelings at all, just a red haze of rage. ]
Knowing this place, they'll give me every horrible moment of my past except what I need to prevent ever doing that again. But I have to try.
[ Glancing over, ] I know you've seen a lot, but I don't want to just assume you're fine spending time with me after seeing that.
[ Hair ruffles are almost as approved as pets! Especially when they mean something other than the cold shoulder. ]
Zhongli said something similar when I showed him. -- Yes yes, I took your advice, gloat if you need to.
But if you know what it's like, I guess you also know that it doesn't help to hear that other people did terrible things too. Nothing helps. I have to live with that, and I will, but please don't try to talk me out of being miserable about it. I'd prefer to keep liking you.
Ehe, well . . . we're cut from much the same cloth, he and I.
But as for me specifically, I've never been in the habit of telling anyone how they should feel. Those things belong only to you. And even if I tried, it's not like I would succeed, right? Certainly not against anyone so stubborn.
Of course, by that same token, you've no power over how I feel about it. And I still feel that you're my friend.
Hey, my stubbornness is a point of pride. [ It cuts both ways, and she knows it, but some things are just baked in. And to that end, maybe she should revisit that conversation she had with Zhongli, if for no other reason than she doesn't want to risk Venti being something with her over the matter. ]
I'm in no position to turn my nose up at anyone who wants to be my friend. Especially someone with such good hands who can also get me drunk.
Of course! What better reason to keep someone around? [ You have to do way better than that to get her to blush. ] Don't forget the drinking, that's important too. But if I had to pick just one, definitely being good in bed wins.
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outofoffice) wrote2021-04-18 11:57 pm
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[ Not to say she doesn't want to drink some magic booze and forget that feelings exist, because she definitely does. ]
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[ Hairpets will not stop until morale improves, then ]
Unfortunately, the only options are to remember these things, or experience them anew yourself.
[ Because if she's as old as she says, there's a 100% chance she knows all this already and simply needs to remember it. ]
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[ Look, a smile! She's not too in her angst for that. ]
If you knew what my first memory was, you'd understand why I'm not so eager to buy more. I know I'll have to, but one obnoxious mess at a time.
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You have the option of simply not taking them at all, and starting anew. To remember the past, or break from it; that is one of the few freedoms this place allows us.
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You can watch the memory, if you want. I can't think of a better time than before getting hammered to deal with it, and it might help you understand why I can't just choose to ignore my past. Even having asked people to take care of things if I lose myself [ yes she did talk to Zhongli, and several others ], I don't want to ask them to clean up my mess if I'm not willing to take steps to maybe spare them that.
[ She is very selective in what she takes wisdom points in, clearly. ]
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And you have a right to know, anyway. Everyone here does.
[ She opens her phone and plays the damn thing again. She doesn't look at the screen, because she doesn't need to. ]
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He's tempted to ask if she remembers any of the context, but suspects the answer will be something like "Does it really matter?"
(And it does, he thinks, but that's a hypothetical argument for the hypothetical future) ]
I see. I understand why you're concerned.
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Knowing this place, they'll give me every horrible moment of my past except what I need to prevent ever doing that again. But I have to try.
[ Glancing over, ] I know you've seen a lot, but I don't want to just assume you're fine spending time with me after seeing that.
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I could be saying the same to you. After all, I've done my fair share of terrible things as well.
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Zhongli said something similar when I showed him. -- Yes yes, I took your advice, gloat if you need to.
But if you know what it's like, I guess you also know that it doesn't help to hear that other people did terrible things too. Nothing helps. I have to live with that, and I will, but please don't try to talk me out of being miserable about it. I'd prefer to keep liking you.
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But as for me specifically, I've never been in the habit of telling anyone how they should feel. Those things belong only to you. And even if I tried, it's not like I would succeed, right? Certainly not against anyone so stubborn.
Of course, by that same token, you've no power over how I feel about it. And I still feel that you're my friend.
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I'm in no position to turn my nose up at anyone who wants to be my friend. Especially someone with such good hands who can also get me drunk.
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Uwah, I see. You only love me because I'm good in bed. ♪
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Ahhh, it's good to be useful!
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Ehe, but I can also write something quite scathing and rude . . .
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Any songs about your sexual prowess, though, that should be as public as possible. I'll even help you perform it.
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Mostly I just needed to laugh for a second, sorry. I make no promises to behave better.
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[ Leaning over to help herself to his arm and her head to his shoulder, just leaning there for a second. ] Thanks for listening to all that.
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Wrapping his arms around her properly, hair petting not even pausing ]
No need for anything as formal as thanks. You can complain anytime and I'll listen.
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Careful now, if you're too nice to me I'll never leave you alone.
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