. . . You'll forgive me for saying so, but I think your perception of the situation may not be entirely reliable.
There's their feelings to consider, for example. Their love for you is genuine.
And then there's yours too. I know how you feel for Noctua, and I saw how quick you were to lay yourself on the line if it meant the Acting Grandmaster's safety.
I'm not denying that I care about them. But I already know it won't last. Other than Noctua, none of them know they've been deceived. Their love is for the face I chose to show them. As for Noctua...
[That one he at least can't say is fake. But that's still not okay!]
...He's the last person who should invest in me. He knows it's only temporary.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
outofoffice) wrote2020-12-15 10:02 pm
no subject
no subject
It's enough to drive anyone to drink.
[ like there was an agreement and all but
he's ignoring that part for now ]
no subject
You're right about that. I think we're all resilient enough to deal with it, but the drinking is a nice distraction.
[He says it like he isn't a hair's breadth from trying to drown himself in wine til he has no thoughts for a month.]
no subject
Happiness, though . . . that more so.
[ Eyeing Pavo sidelong as he says it ]
no subject
[read: he hasn't been truly happy in like 4 years]
no subject
no subject
It is not.
no subject
[ Going back to lightly strumming at the lyre strings -- a peaceful Mondstadt tune now ]
What happiness means for you.
no subject
[surprise surprise he's full of shit]
So far, most days here have been days off.
no subject
That can't be the meat of it, or you'd be so happy all the time you'd be nearly insufferable.
no subject
[but he tries so hard to seem like a cheerful but frustrating person--]
no subject
There's a difference, dear Pavo, but perhaps the vast majority cannot spot it.
[ from one cagey bastard to another ]
no subject
well. this is why he thought Venti would be a good person to talk to. He knows he needs to be seen through but it's still annoying when it happens!]
You've caught me, then. I'm a miserable liar.
no subject
Well, other than to learn the answer to my earlier question.
no subject
[Hmmmmmm it's actually hard to answer that honestly. Not just because he doesn't like vulnerability, but because he's not sure what the answer is.]
Happiness is... a place where you belong, maybe.
no subject
[ Lyre pluck lyre pluck ]
And is that a place? Or a group of people? Perhaps even one person.
no subject
[So really -- has he ever been happy in his life? He has, he thinks. Just only in moments where he let himself forget it was fake.]
no subject
And what of the Knights? Mondstadt? Noctua and Celes?
no subject
[mmmmnnnnnggghhhh maybe he shouldn't TALK ABOUT THIS but he sort of, manically, doesn't care anymore??]
It's lies. Everything I've built with them is a lie. Everything about me is a lie.
no subject
There's their feelings to consider, for example. Their love for you is genuine.
And then there's yours too. I know how you feel for Noctua, and I saw how quick you were to lay yourself on the line if it meant the Acting Grandmaster's safety.
no subject
[That one he at least can't say is fake. But that's still not okay!]
...He's the last person who should invest in me. He knows it's only temporary.
no subject
Flicks his forehead ]
no subject
[He tries to make a grumpy face but it's just kind of pathetic.
...Instead, he's going to go for another drink. That's the clear answer here.]
no subject
He has free will, just as anyone else.
What he should or shouldn't do, he decided for himself. And Master Noctua isn't one to make his choices lightly.
no subject
Master Noctua seems to be under the impression he can rewrite fate by being stubborn. And you of all people should know that's not true.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)